


I've Got You

by Cassie Morgan (BADFalcon)



Category: CW Network RPF, Kane (Band)
Genre: Angst, BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-05
Updated: 2012-02-05
Packaged: 2017-10-30 15:39:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/333323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BADFalcon/pseuds/Cassie%20Morgan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Christian pushes Jeff one too many times, Jeff gives him what he's got coming. In the aftermath, some serious truths about their relationship come out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got You

"I've about had enough of your lip, boy!" Jeff snapped, curling his hand around Christian's bicep and pulling him close. "You've gone too far this time." Before Christian had time to react, Jeff was dragging him across the room and into the spare bedroom they'd set up for play.

"I..."

"Shut up and get naked!"

Christian swallowed heavily and nodded, rubbing a hand over his face to try and disguise his smirk. He quickly undressed, grunting when Jeff knocked him to the floor, manhandled him to his hands and knees, and locked spreader bars between his wrists and ankles.

"Better," Jeff murmured half to himself, taking a moment to appreciate the view. He ran his hand over Christian's upturned ass, chuckling when Christian whimpered and canted his hips back. "Yeah you like but what about this?" he asked, laying a volley of slaps down on Christian's ass, turning the skin a faint pink.

Christian grunted with the impact of each strike. His hands curled into fists and he bucked his hips. He tensed, then relaxed into the rhythm. Sweat pooled in the dip of his lower back and his breath came in pants by the time Jeff finished spanking and was gently running his hand over the heated skin. He gasped at the press of Jeff's thumb to his hole, his back arching and his body rocking backwards. Sucking his lower lip into his mouth, he struggled to contain the pleas desperate to bubble out of him but he was unable to stop his whine of loss when Jeff pulled away.

"You think you deserve to be fucked after the way you've behaved?" Jeff asked, moving to stand in front of Christian and grabbing a fistful of his hair, tugging his head up. “Well?”

“No,” Christian whispered, wincing when Jeff tugged harder on his hair. “No, Sir.”

"No," Jeff agreed, "you don't." He released his grip on Christian's hair, his hands dropping to his own waist and unbuckling his belt, pulling it from his jeans. "What you deserve is this." He cracked the belt through the air, the snapping echoing around the room and making Christian tense and moan. "Just imagine how it's gonna feel on your ass." He narrowed his eyes at the smirk curling the corner of Christian's lips; had Christian been goading him into a whipping this whole time? Part of him knew he should stop, that he shouldn’t give Christian the satisfaction of knowing how easily he could be manipulated, but on the other hand... if it was a whipping the boy wanted, then a whipping he would get – the whipping of his life. Nodding slowly and exhaling through parted lips, Jeff stretched and arched his back, rolling his neck and shoulders before wrapping the belt around his hand, flexing the supple leather. “You ready, boy?”

“Yes.” 

Jeff growled and kicked the back of one of Christian’s legs, making him grunt and swear; the cussing only earned him another kick.

“Yes Sir,” Christian amended quickly. “I’m ready, Sir. Sorry for swearing, Sir.” 

“Better,” Jeff murmured. “Good boy,” He ran the back of his hand over Christian’s pink ass, placing one last slap with his hand before straightening up and laying the first lick of the belt down. 

Christian growled low in his throat, his back tensing as the strikes came hard and fast, striping his ass. He bucked against the restraints, stilling at a single warning word from Jeff. Biting down on his lower lip, he stifled the pleas he could feel bubbling up his throat as his cock hardened, pre-come smearing across his belly. His ass was burning, his hips canting back into the rhythm of the blows. He was panting and gasping for breath, his eyes squeezed tightly. This was exactly what he wanted, what he needed and fuck... fuck it felt so good! He groaned, back arching as another strike landed, a ragged moan escaping him and he heard Jeff chuckle behind him. He was half-aware of Jeff saying something to him, could hear himself groaning in reply but all he could think about, all he could focus on was the next strike of the belt; the hits growing harder, almost driving him forward as he rocked back. He was gonna be black and blue tomorrow and he vaguely wondered if Jeff had drawn any blood. Sweat dripped into his eyes, pooled at his lower back and stinging the welts as it ran down his thighs, making him gasp out loud.

The blows moved to the backs of his thighs and Christian’s gasp turned into a yell; the leather biting hard into the sensitive skin. He grit his teeth, jaw set hard as he growled and winced at every strike, tensing and bucking away as much as he could. The blows continued thick and fast, the belt criss-crossing his ass and thighs, striping him, making him howl; pain and pleasure crashing through him in a crescendo, building up and up and up, his body quaking as Jeff continued to whip him. He tossed his head back and forth, animalistic cries escaping him as it continued, growing more and more intense until it became too much, crashing over him, tears running unchecked down his face. He tried to reach up to scrub them away, his cheeks burning, to brush away the hair sticking to his face but the cuffs and bars stopped him and he grunted, slumping forwards, his safe word tumbling from his lips in a hoarse, panted, whisper. 

Jeff dropped the belt instantly, his own body sheened in sweat, panting for breath as he quickly made his way to crouch down in front of Christian. Christian’s head was hanging down, damp curls sticking to his forehead, cheeks and chin. Jeff cupped Christian’s face in his hands, thumbs rubbing gently, soothingly across his cheekbones, brushing the hair from his eyes. “Good boy. Good boy. That’s it, Christian, I’ve got you. I’ve got you. It’s all over, I promise.” He continued to murmuring soft words of praise and encouragement while he waited for Christian’s eyes to open and focus on his. “There we go. Good boy.” Smiling gently, he leaned forward and kissed Christian softly on the lips. “Let’s get you uncuffed, shall we?” He quickly set to work uncuffing Christian from the spreader bars, continuing to talk softly the whole time, running his hands gently up and down his arms and legs, comforting and calming. Pulling Christian into his arms, Jeff held him tightly against him, smoothing a hand through his hair.

Christian's whole body trembled as he sagged against Jeff, curling into his chest and keening in the back of his throat. He wrapped his arms around Jeff's waist and continued to cry softly. He eventually relaxed into Jeff's hold, his grip easing and his tears subsiding. "Thank you," he whispered, scrubbing his face. “It’s been so long since you spanked me, I was startin’ to think you didn’t love me anymore,” he admitted, biting down on his lower lip.

“What? Christian... no... I...” Jeff frowned and shook his head. “Of course I love you. And I’ve always got you,” he repeated. “And you’re welcome. But we need to have a long hard talk in the morning, Christian. This... this right here isn’t the way this should happen. You goaded me into this and I’m not happy about that. Not one bit. If you were feeling neglected or unloved, you should have talked to me, not started acting like a petulant brat. If you’re feeling that neglected, if you’ve got it into your head somehow that I don’t loveyou, then I’ve failed you so fuckin’ badly and for that I am really really sorry, sweetheart. So I hope that was worth it because believe me, we need to talk about this whether you like it or not. But in the morning.” 

Christian flushed and winced. “I... Jeff... Sir... I...”

“In. The. Morning.” Jeff insisted and Christian nodded. 

“Yes, Sir.” 

“Good boy. Right now, we need to get you cleaned up. And the first thing we go is get you on your feet,” Jeff told Christian pulling him upright and supporting his weight. “Can you stand? No? OK, don’t worry about it sweetheart, I’ve got you.” One arm looped around Christian’s waist, careful not to disturb the fresh welts and bruises, Jeff slowly moved them across the room and into the en-suite. He helped Christian lean over the side of the tub and placed a pile of towels on the floor.

Christian sank to his knees on the towels with a sigh, whimpering as Jeff ran a hand down his back, ghosting over his red ass. “Please...” 

Jeff chuckled and pulled his hand away. “Not tonight, boy.” He cupped Christian’s chin in his hand and roughly tilted his head up, meeting his eyes. “And it’s not because I don’t love you, because I do,” he insisted. “But because of your behaviour these last few days. You don’t deserve to be fucked. Do you understand that?” 

Christian licked his lips and nodded, breaking eye contact and dropping his gaze. “Yes, Sir.” His eyes landed on Jeff’s erection.

“Good boy.” Jeff smirked as he realised where Christian’s gaze was fixed, palming his cock. “Don’t you worry about me,” he petted Christian playfully. “Maybe if you’re good I’ll let you suck me off later. For now, we need to get you cleaned up and in bed.” He turned away from Christian and leaned over the tub, turning the taps and starting the bath running. He tested the water for temperature, nodding when satisfied and let the tub fill. A few minutes later, he stopped the water and quickly stripped off, tossing his clothes into the hamper. He climbed into the tub, sitting back against the edge of it then instructed Christian to join him; Christian climbed into the tub and hissed at the brush of water on his ass before settling back against Jeff’s chest. 

They sat there quietly, Christian relaxing against Jeff, head on his shoulder, eyes closed. Jeff had one arm wrapped around his Christian’s waist, the other trailing lazily over his damp skin, dripping water on him in random patterns. He continued to talk softly in Christian’s ear, murmuring about anything and everything that came to mind. 

Christian eventually started responding to Jeff; first soft hmms, then grunts and simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ before he was replying to him properly and conversation started about the football games this coming weekend, and which ones they wanted to catch. Jeff continued trailing his fingers down Christian’s arm, grounding him until Christian was stirring properly against him, no longer zoned out.

“Let’s get you cleaned up properly.” Jeff shifted Christian in his arms, reaching around him to drain the cooling water before running more hot. Grabbing a bottle off the side, he started methodically washing Christian from head to toe, rubbing him gently with a washcloth before starting on his hair, separating the lengths with his fingers. He massaged Christian’s scalp until Christian was slumped back against him, eyes closed and almost purring from pleasure before releasing him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “Now, to get you dried and into bed.” Jeff climbed out of the tub, offering a hand to Christian and helping him out. He sat Christian on the edge of the tub and rubbed him from head to toe with a soft white towel before wrapping a fresh one around his hair and leading him to the bedroom – one arm wrapped tightly around Christian’s waist when he swayed and stumbled. “Lay face down,” he instructed softly, hmming in approval as Christian silently obeyed, watching him as he got the aloe gel from the drawer and, uncapping it, sat down on the bed next to him. “This is gonna sting,” he advised, before gently smoothing the cooling gel over the fresh welts on Christian’s ass; Christian hissed and clenched his teeth, body tensing and hands balling into fists as he fought the urge to pull away. “Good boy,” Jeff praised when he was done, his hand running down Christian’s back. “Despite the way you manipulated me, I’m proud of your behaviour tonight, and I’m sorry I let you down so badly that it came to this.” He pressed his finger over Christian’s lips when Christian opened his mouth to reply, kissing him gently. “We’ll talk in the morning, sweetheart. Right now, you need to get some sleep.” 

Christian exhaled heavily then nodded, curling around the pillows, his eyes sliding closed. “Love you, Jeff,” he mumbled.

“And I love you.” Jeff pressed a kiss to the top of Christian’s head then pulled back, crossing the room. He stood quietly against the wall, simply watching Christian; watching as his breathing evened out and he slid into sleep, whole body relaxing on the bed. 

*****

Jeff left the room, pulling the door closed behind him and made his way to the kitchen. He poured himself a mug of coffee from the machine, adding a healthy dash of Jack Daniel’s. Cradling the mug in his hands he paced back and forth across the kitchen before finding himself in the lounge and threw himself down on the couch. How had he managed to let Christian down so badly? How had things gotten to the point where Christian was having to goad him into spanking him? And how had he managed to miss it? Was he so blind to Christian’s needs? Had he neglected him, neglected his needs that badly? What sort of dominant did he think he was? Sure, they didn’t get to see each other as often as he’d like – they both had busy schedules – but he didn’t think they’d drifted so far apart that Christian, for some reason Jeff couldn’t fathom, thought he didn’t love him... and what exactly had Christian meant when he said ‘It’s been so long since you spanked me, I was starting to think you didn’t love me anymore’? 

Exhaling heavily, Jeff took a long drink of his coffee, leaning back against the back of the couch. He crossed one leg over his knee and rubbed his finger over his top lip, swearing half under his breath. Closing his eyes, his jaw hardened, a muscle in his cheek twitching. Yeah, he’d definitely fucked this up somewhere and had some serious making up to do to Christian... if only he knew how. The one thing he did know for certain was that he loved Christian, needed to sort things out between them and sure as hell did not want to lose him – he loved having Christian in his life; as his lover, as his submissive and as his friend. Another sigh escaped him and he shook his head sadly... as much as he wanted Christian, did he really deserve him if he’d let him down so badly?

He downed the rest of his drink, dropping the empty mug to the floor and burying his head in his hands with a low moan. Most importantly though – where the fuck did he start in trying to unravel and sort out this whole mess out?

*****

The following morning found Jeff still on the couch, stretched out, his head on the arm-rest. He woke with a groan, throwing an arm over his face to shield his eyes from the sun coming through the open window. Swearing he pushed himself upright and swung around, stretching his arms above his head; his back popping and a sigh of relief escaping him – he was definitely too old for passing out drunk on the couch. Glancing down at the still full bottle of whiskey at the table-leg he amended that to ‘too old for passing out on the couch’. His head was still spinning and he still had no idea how to fix the mess his relationship with Christian had become, but he knew how to at least start to apologise. 

Silently pushing the bedroom door open, he smiled fondly at the sight of Christian, still sound asleep, stretched out face down on the bed, arms wrapped tightly around the pillow. Christian had kicked the duvet down overnight and it was tangled around his feet, and Jeff found himself crossing the room and pulling it back up around him, pressing a kiss to the back of his shoulder. Christian snuffled in his sleep and rolled over but didn’t wake and Jeff stepped back, rubbing his finger along his upper lip. He watched Christian sleep for a few minutes before backing out of the room again. Padding into the kitchen, he brewed a fresh mug of coffee, sitting down at the table to drink it. He took his time, savouring the bitter aftertaste before sighing and placing the empty mug on the drainer. It was time to get started. 

As quietly as he could, he started preparing breakfast. He had sausages sizzling in the pan and was cracking eggs into a bowl when a sleepy yawn caught his attention and he turned to find Christian walking into the room, clad in ratty tracksuit pants and a plain white, rumpled t-shirt.

“Hey.” He turned the heat down on the sausages and met Christian half-way across the room, pulling him close and cupping his face in his hands to kiss him. “Sleep well?” 

Christian scowled and leaned forward against Jeff’s chest, shaking his head. “Missed you. Where were you?”

“You looked comfortable enough to me a few minutes ago,” Jeff chuckled. “I fell asleep on the couch.” 

“And you couldn’t come join me?” Christian raised an eyebrow as he snagged a mug of coffee. “You’re cookin’ breakfast? You’re cookin’ instead of joinin’ me in bed?” He pouted slightly and Jeff groaned softly, burying his hands in Christian’s hair and kissing him hard. “Bed,” Christian panted, tangling his fingers with Jeff’s and starting to tug him across the kitchen. “Now.” 

Biting down on his lower lip, Jeff pulled his hand from Christian’s and shook his head. “No.” 

Christian stopped and turned around to face Jeff, eyes wide. “No? What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I mean no,” Jeff replied simply. “We talked about this last night, remember? And what did I say about sex, boy?” 

“Seriously?” Christian rolled his eyes. “That I didn’t deserve to be fucked the way I been behavin’.” 

“And that still stands this morning.” 

“I could always fuck you,” Christian offered, cheeky grin on his face and a waggle of his eyebrows. 

“Christian...” There was a warning tone to Jeff’s voice, one that Christian paid attention to, the grin falling from his face. Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled silently. “Are you trying to piss me off on purpose? Or has this ass not taken enough punishment yet?” He asked, laying a hard, open-handed slap to Christian’s already bruised and welted ass, making him yelp and jump forward, covering his ass with his hands.

Christian flushed pink and ducked his head. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, glancing up at Jeff from behind the curtain of his hair.

Jeff snorted and shook his head. “Sure you are, sweetheart. Now why don’t you just sit there and shut up while I fix us up some breakfast.” 

“You could always let me cook for you,” Christian offered. “Let me...” he trailed off, shrugging one shoulder. “You sit back and let me look after you.” 

Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose; this morning wasn’t turning out anything like the way he’d planned it. “I’m cooking,” he insisted. “It’s my way of starting to make an apology to you.” 

“You don’t...” Christian trailed off at a look from Jeff and silently sat down on the chair Jeff pointed at with the spoon. “Yes, Sir.” He sat down, stretching his legs out and watching Jeff curiously. “So what’s for breakfast?”

“You’ll see,” Jeff smiled and leaned over, kissing Christian deeply and slowly, tongue parting his lips. He took his time, gently stroking his fingers over Christian’s face; Christian’s hands looped around his neck as he returned the kiss, deepening it, his tongue teasing and playing. “If you keep on like that, breakfast is gonna be a moot point. And I want to make you breakfast,” he continued before Christian could retort. “Pretty sure you’re wearing too much though. Get those pants off. Underwear too, if you’re wearing any.” Christian kicked his pants off and smirked at Jeff. “Yes,” Jeff confirmed, “that t-shirt too. Give it to me.” He took the t-shirt and tugged at the material, nodding at the amount of give. “Hands behind your back.” 

Christian tensed and shook his head. “Jeff...” 

“Now.” 

Swallowing heavily, Christian obeyed; tensing when Jeff used the t-shirt to lightly bind his hands behind the back of the chair. 

Jeff nodded to himself and leaned forward to nuzzle Christian’s neck before stepping back and walking around him to the stove. “Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Breakfast...” Ignoring Christian, he checked on the sausages, turning the heat up slightly before starting to whisk the eggs together. He was just about to pour the mixture into another pan when a distressed noise from Christian caught his attention; one he was completely unable to ignore. He put the eggs back down and turned around, swearing at the look of wide-eyed panic on Christian’s pale face. 

“Not... not sure how this is supposed to be an apology,” Christian forced out, aiming for light-hearted even as his whole body shook with the force of not pulling his hands free. He was trying to be good, trying to do what Jeff wanted him to but it was too much, it was... “Jeff... I... Please, Sir...” He bit his lip, safe word on the tip of his tongue but Jeff was already there, freeing his hands and pulling him to his feet, then engulfing him in a tight hug. 

“Christian... fuck... I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry.” He pulled Christian close against him, holding him tightly. Christian was tense against him, even as his arms wrapped around Jeff. “I wasn’t thinking,” he murmured into Christian’s hair, stomach sinking as Christian trembled against him; all he’d wanted to do was start to make an apology for neglecting Christian, for neglecting his needs but instead he’d managed to fuck things up even further by doing the one thing that freaked Christian out the most. “I didn’t mean to freak you out.” He pulled back enough to cup Christian’s face in his hands, thumbs stroking over his cheeks. “You know I’d never do that to you on purpose, don’t you?” He paused, waiting for Christian to nod and then released the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Not even as a punishment,” he reiterated. “I am so fuckin’ sorry sweetheart.” 

“I know,” Christian replied. He pressed a kiss to the inside of Jeff’s wrist before stepping back in against his chest, head against his shoulder. “I’m ok, I’m... I know you’re not him. I know you ain’t gonna but I can’t... ” 

Jeff’s arms tightened around Christian again. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, pressing a kiss to his head. “I should have paid more attention, I should have thought about what I was doing. I can’t believe I forg...” the words died in his throat. “How have we got so fucked up? How have fucked this up so badly?” He snorted and shook his head. “All I wanted to do was make you breakfast in bed to start to apologise for everything and I go and fuck things up even worse. I don’t know... ” Trailing off, Jeff sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. 

“Things ain’t fucked up,” Christian promised, frowning up at Jeff.

Jeff shook his head sadly. “Wish that were so.” He took Christian by the hand, reaching over to turn the hob off before leading him to the front room, pulling him down on the couch. They curled up together, Christian’s head on Jeff’s shoulder. Jeff ran his fingers through Christian’s hair as he spoke “Things are fucked up, Christian. I don’t like it but we need to face the facts. If you don’t know how much I love you, if we’ve got discipline and devotion mixed up. I’ve lost track of your needs, I’ve been neglecting you so badly that you’ve had to goad me into giving you what you need... I fucking forgot how much you hate having your hands tied behind you... it don’t get much more fucked up than this, Christian, and I’m really sorry I’ve let it get this.. this...” He pressed a kiss to Christian’s jaw. “I’m so sorry, Christian.” 

“Jeff...”

Jeff placed his finger over Christian’s lips. “I tried to blame the fact we’re both so busy all the time but that’s just an excuse, and I don’t want us to have drifted this far apart. I hate it. I love you and I want you in my life. And if you... if you still want me, if you can forgive me... now that we know how bad things have got, we can do something about it. We can fix this. We can fix us!” 

Christian nodded and cupped Jeff’s face in his hands, kissing him softly. “I want. I really want that. I love you, Jeff. ” 

Relief crashed through Jeff and he grinned; Christian smiling back at him. “Ok, Ok...” 

“I just got one question...” Christian scratched at an eyebrow, shifting around on the couch to face Jeff. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah... how? How do we... I mean, what do we do to... to... how do we fix us? I’ve never... I haven’t... when I’ve fucked things up in that past, that’s been it. It’s been the end. I ain’t ever...” Christian flushed pink and ducked his head. “I know how that sounds and...” 

Jeff tipped Christian’s chin up and kissed him. “That makes two of us,” he admitted. “I don’t have a clue. I don’t have all the answers but I’m... I’m willing to try and look for them.” 

“Me too.” Christian grinned shyly at Jeff. “But you know what’d be a good start?” Jeff shook his head and Christian chuckled. “Fresh coffee and breakfast!” Jeff laughed and let Christian pull him up from the couch; their fingers tangled together as Christian lead him into the kitchen. “You sit there,” Christian pushed Jeff into the chair at the table and handed him a mug of coffee. “I’ll fix us up some sausages and eggs and toast or something and then we can...” He leaned over and kissed Jeff, grunting when Jeff’s hands came up to rest on his hips and pull him forward between his legs. Christian groaned as he pulled back, licking his lips. “Breakfast. Talking. Fixing.” 

“Yeah...” Jeff sat back in the chair, one leg crossed over the other as he watched Christian cook; Christian moving fluidly around the room, deftly preparing a breakfast he served. The two men ate in silence, both lost in their own thoughts; the quietness punctuated by the scrape of metal on ceramic, then ceramic on wood as their plates were pushed away. “So...”

“I... um... what... “ Christian growled and tugged at his hair in frustration. “What do you want?” He asked, uncertainly and wrapped his hands around his coffee mug, taking a deep drink, then staring into it. “From... from me, from a... from this?” 

Jeff rubbed his top lip with a finger. “That’s not an easy question,” he admitted. “The short version is... I want you, Christian. I want you in my life, in all aspects; as my friend, as my lover and as my submissive.”

“I want that too,” Christian agreed, look of relief spreading on his face. He wrapped his ankles around the legs of his chair. “Jeff, I...” 

“But I need you to trust me, to tell me your needs, and I need to trust me to take care of you.” 

“I do trust you.”

“Do you? Do you really? Can you tell me what you need, or are you going to keep manipulating me to get what you want? Can you drop to your knees at my feet in submission or are you going to keep pushing at me until I force you there?” Christian opened and closed his mouth soundlessly and Jeff snorted dryly. “Yeah, I thought so, sweetheart. Which means we still have a problem.” 

Christian dropped his eyes, his cheeks flushing pink. “I...” He clenched his jaw, grinding his back teeth as he forced the words out. “I like that you can... that you’re strong enough that you can make me. That you can force me to my knees.”

Jeff fought the urge to reach out and grab Christian’s hand, to squeeze it tight. Instead he rested his elbows on the table, steepling his fingers under his chin. “And the fact you trust me enough to take you down is humbling. But I need a submissive who wants to submit to me, one who’s willing to let me know what he needs, one who wants to submit to me completely. Can you understand that?” 

Christian nodded his head jerkily, still staring into his coffee. His chest constricted painfully and his stomach clenched. “I want to. But I... I...” He forced himself to look up. “I don’t...” He tensed, almost flinching when Jeff took his hands, squeezing gently, thumb stroking gently over the back of one hand. Christian nodded and hesitantly told Jeff about how his ex told him over and over that wanting to submit made him weak, how he’d bound Christian’s hands behind his back and then, with him unable to defend himself, beat him to show how he weak he was. He had completely disregarded Christian’s safe word, telling him that begging to stop after begging for it to happen made him even weaker, even more pathetic, unable to handle what he’d asked for in the first place. He stumbled to a stop, panting heavily, his palms sweating. 

“Christian...” Jeff trailed off, scraping his chair backwards as he stood up and rounded the table. Stepping behind Christian’s chair, he wrapped his arms around him tightly, pressing a kiss to his temple; Christian trembled in his arms. “But if I’ve forced you to submit then it’s not something you’ve asked for so it takes the whole thing out of your hands. If I ever get my hands on that fuckin’...” He trailed off, forcing himself to take a deep breath. Dropping to his knees in front of Christian, Jeff rested his hands on Christian’s knees. “What he did to you, what he put you through... I don’t have the words to express how sorry I am. But please, please believe me when I tell you that everything he did there, everything he said there was... unspeakably wrong. He abused you, Christian. You offered your submission to him and he abused that gift and for that I am so fucking sorry. Yet you still submit to me, in your own way. You trust me enough to force me into it, you trust me enough to take care of you when you need it and that humbles me and honours, it truly does.” He tipped Christian’s chin up and kissed him softly, wiping away his tears. “And I promise you I will never ignore your safe word.”

“I know,” Christian replied hoarsely, a weak smile through his tears. “I know that, Jeff. You don’t... you don’t think I’m weak for... for... wantin’...” he trailed off when Jeff shook his head vehemently. “No?”

“No, Christian. Quite the opposite. You’re probably the strongest man I know. You are!” he insisted at Christian’s disbelieving look. He pressed his hand on Christian’s heart, over his chest. “Even though, and for good measure – if somewhat misguidedly – you’re pretty much petrified of submitting, you still do it because it’s something you need to do.” Christian nodded wordlessly, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “And that makes you pretty fucking incredible in my book.”

“I don’t feel it.” Christian sighed and pressed his lips together, squeezing his eyes closed. He visibly shook himself before opening his eyes and meeting Jeff’s. “I trust you, an’ I want this from you. For us. All of it. I want... I want to be able to... without you makin’ me.” He exhaled slowly, forcing himself to say the words. “I want to submit to you, but I don’t...”

“You don’t know how.” Jeff eased himself to his feet, pulling Christian up and turning him around before pulling him close; Christian’s back to Jeff’s chest, his arms tight around him. “I have an idea,” Jeff murmured, his chin resting on Christian’s shoulders. “We take a step backwards. We start again, from the beginning.” 

Christian frowned. “What? I don’t...” He wriggled around in Jeff’s arms to face him. “What are you sayin’, Jeff?” 

“We pretty much fell into fucking after Jensen’s party but we never took the time to get to know each other, not properly. And I think that maybe we should. That we should step back from the sex, from the kink, from everything else and just... ah...” He cleared his throat, cheeks flushing pink and rubbed the back of his neck. “that is... date...” 

Christian’s eyebrows shot up and he was unable to stop himself from laughing. “Are you tryin’ to say you want to court me, Jeffrey Dean Morgan?” 

Jeff grinned and kissed Christian on the cheek. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, Christian Kane. So, what do you say? Will you do me the honor of being my date?” 

Christian grinned back and nodded, his eyes shining brightly. He looped his arms around Jeff’s neck and kissed him softly. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.”

~El Fin~


End file.
